Just the right amount
by Sweet-N-Sour-Sisters
Summary: Just the right amount, and she was at peace. Be prepared to be sad. (Computer fixed, next chapter soon)
1. Just the right amount

Sour-Chan: A little something I was working on, wanted to share. Hope you like

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The Dark. As a young child she had never been really afraid of it because she had her parents to stay by her side, granted she didn't remember her father much but her mother had told her that whenever she had a bad dream and woke up screaming her father would jump out of bed and be by her side while her mother got her a glass of water.

After her father had died she had felt sad but knew her mother would be there by her side.

But that didn't last.

After her mother had died she was heart broken, she began to fear the dark, fear being alone and left behind, but she lived on as normal.

The she meet them.

At first she didn't think much about them but after a while they became her family. She wasn't alone anymore, no longer afraid of the dark. She made a new family and even fell in love.

Things seemed to be going well, she was happy. Her nightmares became rare unless on a case.

But everything shattered.

They had found out that 'Naru' had been lying. It hurt her heart but she still wanted to smile. She knew that it probably wasn't the best time but she wanted to say it before he left.

"I love you."

"Me or Gene?"

Harsh worlds that made her numb.

After he had left she tried her best to stay close to her so called family but...

Things just didn't work out, they had their own lives to take care of and slowly Mai began to see less and less of them.

Alone.

She began to have terrible nightmares, waking up screaming and crying, having to turn on all of her lights just to escape the darkness. She slept less and less her appetite seemed to disappear. She feared the darkness more than she had before, left behind once again.

No matter how much she cried no one was listening.

So she laid there wanting to do all she could to make it stop, the nightmares drove her insane so she stopped sleeping, hoping not to see such scary things. Even though she tried she would fall into sleep again and face terrible things, being buried alive, tortured, betrayed, alone, cold, crying, screaming. Oh how she wanted it all to stop.

How could she make it stop? She had no power anymore, she felt numb and let the darkness over run her mind.

Lost.

Alone.

Scared.

Why wont it stop?

Why.

Why?

Why!?

The dark is a scary place when your all alone.

But then they came back, everyone smiled as if it hadn't been years. Mai tried her best to be as she once was, thinking that she could be happy now.

But

It still didn't stop, even with them being beside her the twisted nightmares didn't stop.

Why?

Because she knew deep down that they had left her alone without a second thought once and they could do it again. She was far to deep in the darkness to be able to be happy once again.

She was Afraid.

What if she did something wrong to make them leave again? What if it was her fault in the first place?

She could feel her self losing her sanity slowly, but for now she would play pretend, act like it was just another day. Never letting on just how twisted her mind had become.

Not letting on she was hurting, being the happy girl they had always seen.

But one day she couldn't take it anymore. The nightmares were just to much and Naru had been so cold towards her on a bad day, she couldn't hold it back anymore...

So she stopped.

Everything.

It was easy, the right amount and she fell into a never ending comfortable sleep.

She could be at peace now, no more worrying no more fear of being left alone in the dark.

Just the right amount.

And she was at peace.


	2. If only

**Sour-Chan:** Had and awseome thought of doing Naru's point of view, warning is a bit sad. But I like, hope you enjoy, give feedback, I like reading your comments! :P

Comment Feedback:

 _MeganElizabeth99:_ Well here you go, I hope you enjoy!

 _Truth Behind The Eyes:_ Thank you, that's a great idea, at first I was just thinking about doing Naru's but I hope in the future I can work on the rest of them!

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If only.

Through out his life he often thought 'If only'. If only things had gone as planed, if only he had stopped his brother from leaving home, then maybe he would still be here. He knew compared to his brother he was cold and heartless, Gene on the other hand was kind and caring.

It should of been me.

This thought filled his head everyday. Compared to his brother he was the expendable one, the less needed one. But fate was cruel and took his other half from the world.

Different sides to the same coin.

So he went to Japan in hopes of fixing things, and then he meet her. At first, to him she was any other girl, annoying and clumsy. The only good thing about her was her tea.

He had been down right angry with her when she had cause Lin his injury putting him out of work. So he made her take his place. She, unexpectedly, had a sort of smarts, no genius but she understood people and made them want to smile.

Something about her made him remember his brother, the same bubbly attitude, silly grin. So he brought her on full time, she was a hard worker but often let her feelings get in her way. Which sometimes made things difficult for him.

But he began to notice certain things, the way she smiled, when she got angry her face would flush, stupid silly things. He began to realize he was watching her, making sure she didn't get hurt, trying to keep her somewhat happy.

When he had found out that his brother had been in full contact this entire time he felt a little off, he couldn't place it just something in his chest tightened.

Then he found his brother.

At the bottom of a lake.

He already knew yet it still made him numb, he couldn't processes what he was seeing yet at the same time he could, because he had lived his brother's death.

Again and again.

So this is where it ended, the truth was spilled and the looks of betray and shock married their faces.

He couldn't dare look at hers.

So this was it, he would go back to England and put his brother to rest. Just like he planed. But she messed at up.

"I love you."

Simple words that made his chest hurt yet at the same time light up. She must be confused, yeah that's right. After all his brother was so much sweeter towards her, how could she love him. No matter how much his heart screamed for him to accept it, he pushed her away.

"Me or Gene?"

He couldn't look at her, it hurt to much. So he turned his back and walked away. He went back to England and put his brother to rest, he lived the rest of his life like before. But she was always there in the corner of his thoughts.

Yes, she was always there. Reading a book and the image of her smiling face would pop up, or he would hear or see something that reminded him of her, he missed her tea, all of the silly fights they had.

He soon realized that he, the Great Oliver Davis had fallen in love with a short tempered silly assistant. He wanted to refuse these feelings, truly believing that she was in love with his dead brother.

If only it had been him.

He thought of her more and more everyday, his mind twisted with emotions of wanting to just hear her voice again. He thought he sounded stupid getting all love sick over a girl, but at the same time he couldn't care less.

I want to see her.

So he arranged to get on the next flight to Japan, making up the excuse of wanting to reopen SPR. Thought he was sure Lin saw right through him.

When he saw her again, heard her voice his heart nearly stopped, not that he would ever tell her that. His pride being way to big for that, though in his own little way he was willing to throw his pride away.

If only he had known.

She looked almost the same, other than a bit longer hair, to her shoulders and a body of a growing women, her large brown eyes stayed the same but were paired with dark circles. She looked skinny, but he had just chopped that up to her excuse of -

"Being really busy and not able to eat often"

In fact she blamed a lot of things onto being busy, her dark circles and swaying moods. Secretly he worried for her but wouldn't not dare to show her this.

If only he hadn't let his pride get in the way.

He had thought things we're getting back to normal, random bickering, name calling, angry jabs. But her began to see she fought back less and less with each day.

The others saw it too, the way she just seemed to give up.

If only he had acted on his feelings before...

That night there was a fight, over something insanely stupid, she just seemed so angry, and his pride made it worst. She stormed out without a second thought, in tears. He had felt like his heart had been ripped out, he so badly wanted to go to her and apologize.

But that wasn't him.

If only he had apologized.

The next day she didn't come in, so he went to her. She never answered her door, so he used a key under the mat. Normally he wouldn't of, but there was this sinking feeling.

He had called for her a few time before walking into her room, and there she was, sound asleep. He chuckled a bit unable to hold it back. She just looked so cute and peaceful.

He walked over to her and shook her lightly.

Nothing.

So he tried again this time calling her name.

"Mai."

Nothing.

He swallowed hard before her grab her wrist, placing two fingers firmly. Something in his gut told him to check, he just had too.

Nothing.

He froze, how could this happen? His brain just couldn't piece it together.

He glanced at her nightstand and saw a pill bottle, nearly empty. Quickly he read the label as his heart dropped down to his stomach.

Sleeping pills

So he tried for a heart beat again.

Nothing.

His world had come crashing down, quickly he had pulled out his phone and dialed, but everything after that was a blur.

There was a small book left on the night stand, filled with everything she had been through and thought in the years he had been gone. About feeling alone and lost.

About how much she loved him. And how much it hut when he left her.

They had all read it, all feeling very guilty and sad. How could they not have seen her in such a state?

If only he had pushed his pride away and loved her.

So here he was, standing over her grave as they lowered the casket in. Taking his heart with her. He stood there the longest, the cloud them self seemed to have been crying over her loss from this world.

He leaned down on his knees not bothering about the mud soaking into his pants, and firmly pressed his lips on her gravestone with the simple words of-

"If only I had shown you just how much I loved you."


	3. Sorry I didn't know you well

**Sour-Chan: Hey guys! Sorry for the wait, but here's the next P.O.V! Thank you guys for reading, I injoy knowing people like my writings but I got some bad news! My laptop is acting up so I have to send it back to the company for them to fix so I wont be able to write for a while unless it can set up a temporary computer, but i'm not sure. I do belive I will be able to get another chap up before New Years but i'm not sure how long its gonna take with Christmas aroung the cornor so we'll have to see. Sorry again!**

 _MeganElizabeth99:_ Thank you for your comments they put me in a good mood, I hope you like this next chapter!

 _Guest:_ Why thank you! I was hoping it would turn out sad but awesome, thank you for the comment ^.^

 **Sour-Chan: Anyways I hope you enjoy and leave a comment on who you think I should do next or just to say hi**

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He never really like Japanese people, he grew up in a household that disregarded them as the villains, so he had been less then happy when going to Japan to follow the young boy looking for his brother.

When he had meet her he didn't like her, she was annoying and loud, and had quiet the temper and he could tell she was scared of him, granted their first meeting was not the best, and he did understand the she only knocked down the bookcase because he spooked her.

Sorry.

After Noll had hired her he got to know her a little more, she had a loud mouth but only used it when she stood up for the things she believed in, and her input on cases had helped a lot. He also began to see changes in Noll, instead of ignoring her when she didn't understand something he explained it, normally he would just call people stupid and walk off.

The Christmas at the church had been an odd case, he definitely didn't like the fact that she was practically clinging to him for dear life, but inside he found it a little funny, but after a little while he was angry that she wouldn't stop. She may of had a child's mind, but it wasn't right for a teenage girl to be all over him like that, it embarrassed him.

When he had yelled at her he had felt immediately bad afterward so after they had found her he stayed by her side in order to make sure she was okay. Lucky for him she didn't remember anything but of course everyone teased him.

Then on a case he had let his hate for the Japaneses get the better of him and took it out on her, it was no surprise when she started to cry, but what had surprised him was when she began to tell him how he was wrong. At this point he couldn't help but laugh, now he understood why Noll liked her so much, she reminded him of Gene.

It seemed that the time they knew eachother he was angry and that's one of the things he regrets the most. Maybe if he had been a bit nicer...but its a little to late now.

When they came back from Japan to bury Gene, Lin knew that it would be a long while before they went back so he was prepared to have things return normal but he could see a change in Noll, he was more spaced out, barley ate, and sometimes he could hear him mutter Mai's name.

He missed her too, probably not as much but not having her happy atmosphere made life just a little more dull. So he had been happy when Noll wanted to go back to Japan, making some lame excuse, but Lin knew better.

Meeting up with everyone had been nice, they all looked older and had a lot to talk about, other than her. She just kinda sat back and listened, she was rather skinny and had dark bags under her eyes.

It bothered him.

But he knew it would be strange if her had asked why.

If only he had.

That day when Her and Noll had a stupid fight over her coming into work late she left and that was the last time Lin ever saw her emotional face. The next day her could tell Noll was worried and Lin felt a little off too, not able to place it he ignored it.

Twenty minutes.

Twenty minutes after Noll left he felt it grow heavier and than he got the phone call, it was short but left a horrible feeling in his chest.

"Hello?"

"...She didn't wake up."

"What?"

"Lin! Why didn't she wake up?!"

He could tell Noll was losing it.

"Mai? Noll where are you?"

"Hospital. She's gone."

and then the line went dead.

After that Lin raced to the closet hospital near Mai's apartment, giving it his best guess. What could of happen to make Noll like that? What happened to Mai and... His thoughts raced a mile a minute. When he had got there he found Noll quickly hunched over covering his face with his hands and letting out small and harsh sniffles.

Then Lin felt nothing as a doctor came up to him and explained what had happened. He Just felt numb, not wanting to believe that the happy go lucky girl had...

As awful as Lin felt he knew that the others needed to know, so he quickly called them up, not able to explain just telling them something bad happened. When they got there angry and confused Lin explained and the looks of shock and misery was plain to see.

He watched Monk punch a wall and sobbed, Ayako just stood there unable to processes the fate of the young girl, Masako covered her mouth and began to cry, John tried his best to be strong but began to cry himself, and Yasuhara just fell to his knees.

No one wanted to believe it, but then they saw her a peaceful look on her face as she slept and eternal sleep.

At her funeral everyone had dark bag and red eyes from nights of crying. Noll had been extremely angry and barked at anyone for the smallest of things but even that day he cried.

As Mai's casket was lowered in the images of their time together passed Lin's mind, and that when it struck him, he had never be out right nice to her.

Guilt.

I'm sorry.

Everyone stood there for a long while wanting nothing more than for her to just pop up again with a goofy smile.

But this was reality.

He never really knew her that well, to him she was just the goofy and loud coworker.


	4. Sorry I wasn't there

**Sour-Chan: Hey guys! I got another day before I send in my computer so I was feeling like writing another part! Hope you enjoy, I hope I got the character's feelings across!**

Comment Feedback:

 _MeganElizabeth99: Your comment made me SOOOO happy, I'm glad that I'm getting the feels across *hand tissue* I'm not even sure if you read these, but thank you for your support and thanks for reading! Yeah I often forget i'm out in public when I read and I sometimes get weird looks... hehe ^.^'_

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He always saw her as family, maybe as a daughter or maybe as a sister, he wasn't sure but her knew one thing. It sure did hurt like hell when he lost her.

She was a sweet girl with a big mouth and he got a kick out of it when she went off on someone and he liked her company, she could make a room full of grumpy and angry people smile and laugh.

That's just the way she was.

Shining bright like a star.

His first meeting with her, they got along rather well. He hadn't been expecting to see her again but she was happy to see him. He liked to tease her, its was funny. Now he understood why Naru did it so much, her reaction were just priceless.

Like her life.

Maybe she was more of a little sister? He was the overprotective big brother always holding her back from causing trouble. Or maybe he was the overprotective father, who wanted to keep her safe?

Who knows.

Never the less she was an important piece in his life.

Family.

He caught on rather quickly to her feelings for their boss, and couldn't help but chuckle. She was to obvious. That day at the park when Naru walked away with Masoko she was fuming with rage, it made him want to laugh his head off. But he could tell she was just a bit hurt, so he tried his best to cheer her up.

It worked.

If only he could of done it again.

On cases she had good input that surprised him, to him she was just a normal teen girl, now a latent physic. When he had found out about her being and orphan it struck him as odd. How could such a lonely girl be so happy? It wasn't till later he found out that she regarded them as her family, and that's how her life was getting better.

She always managed to get into trouble, he remembers that well. Never thinking twice before jumping into something that was way out of her comfort zone.

She was a strong girl.

Then why did she...

Ah. I'm sorry. It was my fault.

After confronting Naru about his lies she confessed. I didn't hear the answer but the look on her face was just lost. I tried really hard to stay around but eventually my band had to go on tour, I thought she'd be okay. That she had a life of her own and everyone else would be there.

But.

I was wrong.

Sorry.

Getting back together had been fun, the loud commotion, even Ayako hitting him brought bad the old days. She seemed to be okay, dark bags under her eyes bothered him a lot so her asked.

"Are you okay?"

He watched her eyes as an emotion he couldn't place passed just as quickly as it came. She smiled real big closing her eyes and said.

"Yep! Don't worry about me, just not getting enough sleep."

Why didn't he push?

He should of asked.

Maybe that was her asking for help?

But now he wont ever know.

The day it happened he had felt odd since he woke up and in the back of his mind something was nagging him to go see her. But he didn't.

It was around noon when he got the call of Lin's panicked voice on the other side of the phone.

"Something bad happened. Get to the hospital quick"

The words had made his stomach lurch as fear nearly tore him apart. He got there quickly to see the others there. He couldn't believe what Lin was telling them, but a quick look at Naru practically crying in the hospital chair made Monk want to shout and cry and...

So he hit the wall, as hard a he could. Making a decent sized hole before he slumped down and crying like a child who just lost their favorite toy.

How?!

She was suppose to be the strong one!

Why her?!

He sobbed and sobbed, it hurt to much. She had been so close to them yet so far. When they found her journal explaining everything that had happened since Naru and Lin left, all of her dreams in detail, and how she was afraid to sleep or tell them in fear of them leaving her behind, he felt sick. He nearly put another hole in the wall.

How could he of let her get this bad, he was suppose to be her friend! Her family yet he failed to the point of no return.

I'm sorry.

He sobbed whispering over and over, he blames himself.

At her funereal he felt like dying. Wanting nothing more for her to pop right out of her coffin and say it was all some big joke to get back at them.

But that never happened.

He watched as they all sobbed and felt someone lean into his shoulder.

Ayako.

Knowing she was in just as much pain as him he wrapped his arms around her, dryly thinking that if Mai was still around she would of teased them. But she wasn't.

Hey, I'm sorry for not being there when you needed me.

Now sleep peacefully.

You idiot.


End file.
